Messing with John
by marketeerbubbles
Summary: Doctor John Watson was a reasonable man, with reasonable needs, ideals, morals and ethics. He enjoyed old western films, rock and roll music, and even, secretly, baking cup cakes and biscuits.


**Messing with John**

A Sherlock story, based on the BBC hit television show.

A/N- I own nothing, I wish I did own it, but wishes like that don't often come true ;)

* * *

Doctor John Watson was a reasonable man, with reasonable needs, ideals, morals and ethics. He enjoyed old western films, rock and roll music, and even, secretly, baking cup cakes and biscuits.

John had dreams like anyone else too. He dreamed of a wife, kids and the white pickets fence, he even wanted the family car and the mortgage that went with all of it.

But John Watson, while still wanting all of that, would never abandon his best friend and savior, Sherlock Holmes. The brilliant minded genius with more eccentricities then even half the people in the psych ward he'd worked in during placements. Sherlock had brought excitement back into his life. John needed action in every sense of the word. The war in Afghanistan had left him with a sense of need. Most people wanted to forget the killing and the action. John longed for it. Civilian life was dull to John. Sherlock too. So despite the obvious differences in personality. They had clicked, the detective and his doctor.

Now Sherlock was a man easily bored. He would often shoot the wall for being a wall. Do random and often highly dangerous experiments in the kitchen and sometimes, if John was not careful, on himself and his unsuspecting flat mate.

Best friends, flat mates and partners. Words used to describe the duo. But it was the week after Christmas 2011 that this almost changed. Sherlock was bored. He was complaining non-stop, not even noticing he was complaining to a man who was at work and not actually at home. John was using the clinic as reprieve from his mates' idiosyncrasies and often down right peculiarity. Most find work stressful, not John; it was his break, _if_ he turned his mobile off, which he didn't in case of emergency, this is Sherlock we are talking about after all, and it appeared Sherlock knew that.

It started innocently enough at 9 am just before John's first patient for the day.

_John, get milk – SH_

I am at work. Do shopping – JW

_I am busy, you go – SH_

I'm at work Sherlock, you'll have to wait till I'm finished, my first patient is here, talk to you tonight – JW

Now an average, and in Sherlock's good opinion 'boring' person would have read that and left well enough alone. But no, not Sherlock, never Sherlock.

John was helping his patient, an elderly gentleman with a hip problem to understand his script when his phone vibrated. Both he and the gentleman looked at it on the desk, making a racket. John was lucky this time, this patient knew of John's 'other life' and read his blog.

"Sherlock Doctor?"

"Most likely, come on Mr. Goldfish lets get you to the prescription counter"

Upon returning with a new client file, John checked his phone and found 4 messages.

_Bored, need milk, come home – SH 9:15 am_

_Still bored, wall is smiling at me – SH 9:18 am_

_Where have you hidden your gun – SH 9:19 am_

_John, this is important, where is the gun – SH 9:22 am_

Sighing John responded quickly, opening his filing cabinet draw to check the gun was where he had left it this morning. You just never knew with Sherlock and poor Mrs. Hudson was not going to like coming home from her sisters to find more bullet holes.

Gun safe, at work, get dressed, call Lestrade, get case. – JW

He received an instant reply

_How do you know I am not dressed? – SH_

It's you, talk to you tonight - JW 

Johns' 9:30 arrived, a mother and colicky infant. John went straight into career mode, soothing the crying child and calming the worried mother. Explaining the problem and ensuring if she followed doctor's orders and watched out for indicators, that her child would be fine. He phone vibrated as the mother was calming and the child stopped crying. The noise startled the tired youngster. Not good thought John.

"I do apologize Mrs. Up-walls, emergency phone"

"Yes, yes, of course"

He didn't mention it was his friend, no need to upset the woman further. Without looking he knew it was Sherlock

"Aren't you going to check it doctor?" the lady asked over her whimpering child

"I am with you, I shall check it as soon as we have everything sorted here Mrs. Up-walls"

She smiled and her child simmered down. John gave her instructions once more, going over them to ensure she knew them and gave her a prescription.

As she left his office, the good doctor checked his massages. This time 5 of them, in quick succession and all within a 15-minute time slot. It was on 9:45 am and already he was getting frustrated with the man.

_Your observational skills are improving – SH 9:36 am_

_I'm bored, bring gun home, it is not in any of your usual places, you must have it – SH 9:38 am_

_Still need milk – SH 9:39 am_

_Mrs. Hudson is home – SH 9:41 am_

_Lestrade has no cases, and I've solved all his old case files too – SH 9:43 am_

_Going to morgue for supplies – SH 9:45 am_

Thank you, no, no kidding, that's nice, remember our fridge agreement, I'm at WORK – JW 

John had 10 minutes before his next patient and decided to use the time to catch up on some paper work. Didn't happen.

_Molly has ears for me John! And some more eye balls! – SH _

They had better not end up in the kettle again. I do not like boiling eyeballs. Then finding the membrane in my teacup. JW

_It was an experiment John. – SH_

_Great, Working, later Sherlock – JM_

2 patients and a suspicious John later, just as he was going on his morning tea break, a new text arrived, sighing and expecting Sherlock again, John pulled out his phone. It was from Molly Hooper. Ah oh.

**Please come and get Sherlock, he has a cat of nine tails and is making a mess of my morgue – Molly 11:25 am**

John did not want to even think about where Sherlock had found a cat of nine tails. He responded to Molly and then texted Sherlock

Sorry Molly – JW

SHERLOCK! leave Molly and the morgue alone, go get milk and go home – JW 

_Did you know that a cat of nine tails leaves an interesting pattern across a back that shows the equal distant between the tails?_

Do now, don't care. You've had your fun, take your whip, and samples. Go home. For Pete's sake you have been there long enough. – JW

_Not finished – SH_

I'll call Mycroft – JW

_You wouldn't – SH_

Try me – JW

**He's left, thanks John, have a good day – Molly**

So much for a break, it was 11:40 am; time to go back on the clock, who knew what Sherlock would get up to next.

During a case, or one of his more sulking moods, Sherlock could go days without saying anything; in fact the record of staying quiet was 4 days. As for not being around, the record was a week, one that John would rather forget. However, today was defiantly not going to be one of those quiet days.

Half way through his next appointment, John's phone went of again, then again a minute later and again a minute after that.

John refused to answer it while giving Mr. Lice a full physical for his police application.

Mr. Lice, needless to say, could hear the phone in the draw.

"Just answer it already doctor, it's been like, 10 minutes! It must be important!"

"I doubt it" muttered the annoyed doctor walking over to his desk and picking up the phone.

"I do apologize this won't take a moment"

Checking his messages he found 13 messages, all within the last 10 minutes, all asking basically the same thing.

_Where are the petri dishes from the microwave? – SH 11:55am_

_Where are the scalpels? - SH 11:56 am_

_Why are they in the bin? – SH 11: 57_

_My experiments on the fermentation of duck livers, John! It was for a case! – SH 11:58 am_

And so the list continues until John read the last one.

_Would you mind if I put the ears in your bed? I have a torso in mine that I'm not ready to contaminate just yet – SH 12:05 pm_

Stay out of my room and touch nothing of mine. I am at work. Will call at lunch; now stop pestering me. Go bother Mycroft, Anderson or somebody that isn't me! – JW

He'd pressed send before he had re-read what he'd typed. He felt so guilty, but the man needed to realize that to stay his flat mate required money. Money is gained by working, thinking of which…

"Um, doc, we good?"

"Sorry, Mr. Lice, sure, hang on, I just need to take some blood for a few tests and we are good."

John didn't hear from Sherlock until his lunch at 1:30. He was worried; he knew he had been harsh. Sherlock just didn't understand timing or appropriate social behaviors at times. He felt really guilty as he headed down towards the lunchroom, but it didn't last. The closer he got, the louder the familiar voice became, he knew that voice… OH NO!...

John sped up as he reached the lunchroom to clearly hear the last words coming out of Sherlock's mouth. He was deducing the other staff members!

The silence that greeted his arrival meant only one thing. Sherlock had put his foot in it again. More apologies needed, and possibly no job to return to. Thank god Sarah knew his circumstances.

"Sherlock…" ground out John through clenched teeth

"What are you doing here?"

"Elementary dear Watson, I was bored. I came here, you are not boring. I decided I would help you, since you help me so often. The girl friend who was kidnapped with you, the blonde one, said to wait for you in here and you'd come find me, and here you are."

Clever woman, thought John

Many of the other staff members had turned to look curiously at John at the kidnapping comment, he knew some awkward questions were headed his way, not that he wasn't used to explaining himself and his whimsical friend.

"Right, well you cannot stay, you can go home. Here, take the milk and go" John handed him a half gone bottle of milk off the counter.

"We will talk when I get home, go"

"Not good?" asked a ashen faced Sherlock

"Bit not good, no" replied John, leading him out of the building.

Once he had seen Sherlock off, and sent a text to Mycroft asking him to entertain his brother for a bit, he went to have lunch, only to find it was 1:05 pm and he had missed his break. Sarah patted him pityingly on the shoulder. He slouched his shoulders and headed back to his office.

At around 3 O'clock, a significantly calmed down John received a text.

_**Sherlock realized my involvement in amusing him; you are on your own, good luck – MH **_

"Damn it!" John hissed out loud. Realizing his mistake, he grinned sheepishly at the waiting room patents.

"Ellen Longtooth? Ellen Longtooth?" he called, leading the lady to his office.

3 more hours and he could go home and confront Sherlock and apologize.

John had put his phone in the draw after Mycroft's message.

It was Miss Longtooth that pointed out the noise while John was checking her ears for infection.

John sighed and finished with Ellen before going over and checking his phone.

_I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me? – SH 1:27 pm_

John re-read the message, he must be getting desperate for attention. He texted back.

Call Irene Adler – JW

_But it's you I want – SH_

Seriously, if this is Sherlock, grow up, if it isn't, what have you done with Sherlock? – JW

_Its me John, come home ;p. – SH_

2 and bit hours. I still have to get the shopping too since your too lazy, since when do you use emoticons? – JW

_You do domestic, I do the crime solving, fair is fair, emoticons are cool – SH_

"In your world maybe mate" John muttered before receiving his next patient.

40 minutes later and to patients, john called in Mr. Gregory John Hooper. The old man shuffled in, using a cane, so very similar to John's old one.

"Good afternoon Mr. Hooper, new to the clinic I see, what can I help you with today?"

"I'm lonely"

Being quiet common for the elder generation on their last legs to come in for company, John was no surprised.

"Well you know this is a medical clinic, the best I can recommend is that you join a social group such as Rotary or a chess group, we cannot be using spots just for company, you understand that right Mr. Hooper?"

"But John! I'm bored and it is too much of a wait, come home now, I have a new case!" Lestrade said it was a triple homicide!"

"SHERLOCK! This is highly inappropriate, remember we talked about this!"

The sad part was that this was not the first time he had come to visit as a 'patient'.

Sighing, the good doctor gave in

"Better be one hell of a case Sherlock, lets go home. I just gotta go sign out"

Sherlock, smirking stood and moved to the door.

"Hurry, we have precious few daylight hours remaining John"

"And since when as that been a problem for us mate? Hmm?" Shaking his head John went to talk to Sarah. To say Sarah was unhappy would be an understatement. John was lucky she understood that if John wouldn't go, Sherlock would come back.

By 3 O'clock The duo where walking down the street, Sherlock nattering away about the case he had and deducing passers by. Poor folks thought John.

Arriving at the crime scene by 3:30 pm Lestrade, having gotten tired of waiting around had left a few youngsters to wait for Sherlock.

The three bodies, 2 male, 1 female, all Caucasian, Woman with red hair and too many freckles, a blonde and a brunette. Short crop hair styles. Military style, but with no muscles, so not armed services. A gun shot, one each to the back of the head. Not a planned murder, not an execution. Practice targets then? No meaning. Shoots came from above. Unexpected by the victims.

Snipers riffle. Sebastian Moran? No, couldn't be, not his style. Psychopath, defiantly. A scuffling sound. A little puppy, a bulldog. How on earth had the cops missed the puppy thought Sherlock and John simultaneously. It belonged to the lady Sherlock surmised based on the fur, collar and breed. John crept closer. The puppy came out for him. He picked it up cuddling it to himself, the poor thing was frightened, only a baby a few weeks old. A Christmas present then.

"You cannot keep it"

"But its lonely, and small, and scared" John replied

"No"

Sherlock gave John 'the don't bother you won't win' look. John handed him over to the waiting cop who started cooing over him.

Sherlock saw something and took off in that same moment. John chased after him. They ran all over London. Sherlock would stop for a moment, rummage through a bin, look at a scuffmark, and take off again.

By 5 pm John was exhausted and his shoulder hurt form the cold winters wind. They found the man by The River Thames. Like a scared and trapped animal, the sniper fought back, not a psychopath then, just a crook.

John went over the edge. Sherlock heard him fall but did not see him. He was busy trying to not get stabbed by the mad man. Pedestrians stopped and watched, with someone finally calling the police. Eventually he knocked the man unconscious.

He immediately went for John. The man was soaked through, as you'd expect. Holding onto a buoy for grim life. Sherlock knew his shoulder was playing up. He was having trouble gripping onto the floating marker. The police arrived, Lestrade with them. One look at the panicked look on Sherlock's face and following his line of vision. He saw the doctor in the water, fighting the strong current, occasionally going under. The water police were called in. Sherlock looking for some other way to get to his friend. Lestrade restrained him. Anderson and Donovan could not believe Sherlock's reaction. Sherlock was calling for John to hold on, that help was coming. It would be all right. John was weakly nodding.

John in the mean time was not entirely sure how he had ended up on the buoy. Last he remembered he fell and got an icy shock. Next thing he knew he found perchance on the buoy, but he was slipping, and so, so cold. He could see Sherlock, the man looked legitimately freighted.

He slipped, his head struck something hard. Then nothing.

Sherlock cried out. Lestrade saw the police vessel, he pointed int eh direction John's body had floated. Talking into his CB radio. All the while holding Sherlock.

They got John. He was not breathing. Sherlock could see them doing CPR. The ambulance came, John was taken away. Lestrade took Sherlock, leaving the others to arrest the supposed murder, only reason he'd be unconscious near these two, Lestrde thought.

3 days later John was still out cold, his fever too high, and his breathing labored. Sherlock never left his side. Mycroft ensured no one tried to make him. Rumor of Sherlock's behavior that day got around the station. Lestrade squashed all mention of it by saying

"I told you, he only bites when baited".

Everyone who knew John sent flowers. 5 more days and he woke up.

Sherlock didn't say anything. He just left then.

John was upset; surly the man didn't blame himself for what happened? No matter, he was too tired to care, he'd worry about it later.

Sherlock returned later that day, a small box with holes in the top.

"You wanted him so much, I tracked him down, got permission from the dead ladies family"

Inside was the little bulldog puppy.

"I never did get you a Christmas present" Sherlock mumbled, embarrassed.

John, still cuddling the little puppy who had buried itself in his hospital blankets, pulled out his phone.

Best present EVER, no experimenting on him – JW

Sherlock's phone went off.

He smiled, maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't pull John out of work again, for a while at least, at least…until he was bored again. Mind you, the dog had potential, could be trained to hunt….

"I know that look, you are not taking Gladstone anywhere Sherlock."

"Gladstone?"

"Gladstone"

**The End**


End file.
